I need some advice addressing a parenting conflict that arises between my daughter “Kate” and daughter-in-law “Tammy” every time our family gets together. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. Ultimately, you might not be able to stop this self-soothing behavior, but with calm consistency you can hopefully modify how he does it.Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. You can also have one final conversation, without judgment in your tone of voice, about how unsanitary it is, and hope that that plants some seeds in his head for the future. You can help those odds by gently interrupting the behavior when you see it and telling him to go to his room or bathroom. If he knows not to do it in front of his friends, he will also likely keep it out of sight of a future partner (I hope-at least for the first few years!). The eating part is rather gross, I’ll grant you, which leads to the bad news: I’m not sure there is much you can do about this whole habit. You may want to keep an eye out for any other kinds of compulsive behaviors like pulling out hair or picking at skin taken together, those could be a sign that your child does need some help. The good news is that I don’t think this is a sign of anything deeply amiss. So it’s very possible that what you’re seeing is simply Henry’s and James’ lack of awareness that different people’s home activities and personal boundaries are different.ĭear Care and Feeding: I’m Afraid My Daughter’s New Haircut Will Make a Dangerous Political Statementĭear Care and Feeding: My Sister Is Caving Under Our Parents’ Pressureĭear Care and Feeding: My Daughter’s Doctors Are in Uncharted Territory. And although kids begin to demonstrate empathy as early as the toddler years, it takes several years for that skill set to fully develop, even without a pandemic in the mix. You say you were worried about James’ ability to socialize with his peers, but I’m wondering whether Henry might also be adapting to life outside of his home? He may not realize that other children aren’t still breastfeeding like he is. I don’t seem to be making headway trying to counter whatever reinforcement Henry is giving James, although with children this young, I suppose it might go away on its own. On the other hand, I know James has had trouble socializing and it feels like it could cause other damage to take steps to restrict him from interacting with his friend. I’m tempted to minimize Henry’s involvement in James’ life. I’m under the impression that Henry still breastfeeds at home, despite being the same age as my son, and that this is a normal, enjoyable thing so he wanted his friend to get in on it. When I asked him about it, he told me that Henry taught him to do this. I’ve told him how rude it is to grab at a woman’s chest and how he should never, ever do it, but the attempts persist. I’ve had to physically push him away to get him to stop. James has taken to coming home from school, immediately running to me with a shout of “Milkies!” and trying to grab at my breasts. Unfortunately, it is starting to look like Henry is a bad influence on James. It’s been a long kindergarten season, but I was very gratified to hear him start talking a few weeks ago about a new friend he made in another kindergarten class named “Henry.” Because the pandemic killed a lot of the enrichment activities that we would have otherwise sent him to, I did have some worries about his level of socialization and interacting with other children when he started. My 5-year-old “James” started kindergarten last fall.
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